Saturday, January 14, 2012

The Heliopolis-Nasr City Federation

Disclaimer: This post is tongue in cheek. It should not be taken seriously. 

Now since Nasr City came out MB/Salafi free, there is a possibility of a federation between Heliopolis and Nasr City. As a resident of the Republic of Heliopolis, I welcome such an idea but we Heliopolisians should be crystal clear regarding the terms of this federation agreement.

After yesterday’s results, Nasr City residents will surely boast about their achievement. They were once deemed a Brotherhood stronghold, but they shocked us all by electing two non-MB/Salafi members of parliament. Not only that, NC is the only district that elected two candidates in their 30s!

While we should congratulate NCians for their achievement (the poor fellows had to withstand a big scary poster of Salafi Mohamed Yosri on Nasr Street), yet we residents of ROH need to remind them that we are much older in liberalism. In addition, we are far more authentic and chic. Heliopolis is over 100 years old while Gamal Abdel Nasser built NC after the 1952 military coup. While Heliopolis always housed the crème de la crème, Nasr City welcomed the Egyptians who came back from the Gulf and brought to us the radical religious thought known as “Wahabism”.  Therefore, before we even sit on the round table and negotiate plans for a federation, we should make it very clear that we do make a distinction between the two districts.

In light of the above facts, we have to be prepared before we sit together and decide on the future of our districts. I have presented below the hot potatoes issues that might arise during negotiations and my own way forward with each.
Who will own City Stars?

City Stars is ours! It is in the jurisdiction of Nozha whether NCians like it or not. In fact, only NCians say that City Stars belongs to them. Ask anyone in Zamalek or Maadi where the grand mall is and he/she will tell you it is in Heliopolis. Even City Stars itself boasts of being in Heliopolis.
City Stars is a huge revenue generator besides it being a symbol of elegance and extravagant shopping. City Stars is a red line.
Nevertheless, if NCians turned out to be very stubborn on that issue, we can concede a little. We can give them the old extension in exchange for 2 of their popular fish restaurants: El Borg and Gandofli. This exchange does have a strategic interest for us, the residents of ROH. We are suffering from a considerable decline in population because of mass emigration especially from our Christians. The fish restaurants will increase the birth rate in ROH.
Entry policy for NCians living in 7th Settlement, 10th Settlement and El Sewesry
OK. We do have our low-income population in Nozha, Sherouk and Badr, and we take care of them. NCians living in the poor neighborhoods of 7th Settlement, 10th Settlement and El Sewesry were totally forgotten by the more affluent NCians. And the result? These areas overwhelmingly voted for the MB and Salafis. Now, if we removed the visa requirement from NCians who want to enter Heliopolis, we can be flooded with illegal immigrants from these areas.
Since we cannot discriminate according to level of income, we should maintain our visa requirement for NCians. All NCians should be required to obtain a visa before entering ROH, but they can obtain it at the borders (we can have a visa office in City Stars for example)
Abu Ramy for Deals
Abu Ramy is just too good. I personally drive all the way from Heliopolis to NC just to munch on Abu Ramy’s delicious soko2, Kebda and Sakalans. We want Abu Ramy! It is the upper class version of Zizo Natana. We are tired of Abu Haydar, Abu Amaar and 3amo Hosni.
Since we have far more alcohol serving outlets than NC, we can exchange Deals pub with Abu Ramy. We already have L’Aburgine and as I mentioned in my previous post, President Hamzawy promised us a Tamarai and La Bodega. Therefore, we can sacrifice Deals for Abu Ramy.
C28 Has to Go

NC cannot enter into a federation with ROH and retain C28, the ugly military court in 10th Settlement. Not many Kanaba Party (apolitical couch party) members in Heliopolis would agree with me, but I am totally against trying civilians in military courts. Therefore, if NC wants to be united with Heliopolis, they have to get rid of C28.


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